Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
