K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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