I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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