Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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