She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His nipple licking is glorious
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