If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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