I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
