The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize