maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
