i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
