I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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