This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
