I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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