i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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