I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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