just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
