I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
