I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize