quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
