Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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