just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize