I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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