The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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