I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
