Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
