Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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