I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize