I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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