Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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