Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
