im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
