yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
