I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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