you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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