imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
