Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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