I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
