i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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