Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
