Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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