that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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