so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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