No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
