Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
