you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
