I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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