we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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