Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
