He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
