i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
