she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
