I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
