he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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