Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
