so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
