You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So apparently I’m into choking now
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
