i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
