In the future we'll all be gay
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize