I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
