sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
