Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
