I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
