Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
