In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
