I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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