That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
