Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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