id be glad to
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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