I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
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