Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
