why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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