There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
