i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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