I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
