he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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