GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
