you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
