just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize