Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
