I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
