actually, I'm a sock model
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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