Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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