all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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