Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
