so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
