There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
