The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
