Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
