How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
