I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need a beard to bite.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
