I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
