I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
