Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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