OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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