"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
