Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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