If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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