I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
