My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
