Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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