you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
