I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She's like a pop up book from hell.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
