Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
