ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
