I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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