it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
