I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
