My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize