so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
