Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
