Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
