and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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