Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
